The Grab Ride Realization
I went to a freind’s house on Saturday. On my way back home, I rode a grab (counterpart of uber in asia), the driver started to talk to me — which wasn't unusual cause I normally indulge the grab/taxi drivers here cause normally they give me their perspective about this country, life in general, religion or sometimes love. Haha! Its actually always a very interesting time.
In this particular instance, we started talking about his shift. He normally drives at night and he liked it better than dirving in the morning. After a while he then started to say that life should be enjoyed. And not to worry too much. He began sharing examples and kept on repeating that live life and enjoy it. Then he then said, life is to be enjoyed, have a few savings and make the most out of your life. He then said “live a simple life and you will be happy. Choose to be happy at all times”.
To summarise what he told me:
Having money is good but at the same time if you die tomorrow and you just keep on saving, then what was all the saving for? Money he mentioned can always be earned. If you don’t have money anymore then get work and you’ll have money again but don’t limit yourself and not enjoy life cause you never know what will happen in the future. Money is not the answer to everything.
As I pondered on what he was saying, it brought me back to my conversation with my “Core” college friends the other day — yes that’s the name of our group on whatsapp. These ladies are my closest friends that I happen to get to know during college. I was talking about what I have decided to do and how I viewed money.
Though yes, I of course have savings but I realized that if I kept on saving for myself and not help people — especially my family — and I die tomorrow, then whats the point in having so much money when I’m single and no other responsbilities to think about. What then was the point of saving up for retirement or living a long life?
Not to say that I dont have savings which I do. But for the most part, I kept on pressuring myself to save up more and have more than enough when I retire. To save up to buy a condo, a car and live a comfortable life. But there’s another part of me that believes that I might just die earlier than I think I would.
No drama here. No Tea — I just am really aware that I am not the most healthy person on the planet. 1) I smoke like a chimney (especially when I’m writing this blog or if I’m hanging out with friends that makes it easy to smoke my lungs out- due to good conversations), 2) I don’t eat plants (that’s what I call vegetables cause they taste like plants than food), and 3) I’m not in the best shape. The odds are stacked against me living to 100 years old.
Having said this, I wondered, do I really need to really save up and prepare for the future that I believe I wont even reach — but then what if I do? What then will I do?
Two opposing ideas — contradicting ones at that — the real question though is what then do I do knowing full well that I don’t know what will happen in the future?
Everyone says you should always balance it out. Save up whilst enjoying life. There’s one catch though…I’m the type of girl who’s extreme. I dont know how to be just in the middle, to find that balance. If I save — i should save a lot and if i spend — I spend a lot.
I have always been a believer that theres always a tradeoff. That nothing is perfect — that nothing is life is as easy as it seems. There will always be something that needs to suffer in order to get/achieve something. Maybe it be a career or in love. It will always be an extreme in one way or another. Either I save money or I enjoy it. When I do save, I always berate myself for not saving enough. If I spend money, I always get frustrated with myself that I spend/t too much which therefore means that I get to save less than what I should be saving. If I dont spend money then there would be more savings BUT then I end up doing nothing cause going out also takes money. Meeting with friends also requires money. In my head — the middle ground is such an outlandish concept that my brain cant comprehend.
Though the past years, I’ve been able to somewhat be successful in the savings department but I do know that if I just take this really to heart…I could be saving more. Lots of money gets spent buying things that I dont really need. But I just cant help it. lol! I’m trying to marry the two concepts together but at this stage I’m not there yet. There’s a part of me that says — you gotta stop your bullshit spending and save for the rainy days — but again theres a part that says — what rainy day? If I die tomorrow would money really matter? I have an insurance that should cover my death expenses (though not enough insurance if I happen to get sick though — but I also that don’t have enough money if the big C happens to me- so whats the point?). To say the least, I again find myself confused and the two sides of my brain just contradicts each other all the freaking time- most especially on this topic.
One thing that I’m sure of though is that I’ve decided to help my family more than I used to. I realized that if I can help my brothers or parents now than later on then so be it. I never know what the future will bring anyways. My friends are always concerned that I give my family too much that I may end up not having enough for myself when the time comes. I know they are right because they are. But I also can’t help but feel that if i limit what I share with my family and I dont live long enough…then whats the point of saving all those money when nobody will benefit from it either?
I’m still dont know what the middle point is on the family vs myself conundrum. Let me reiterate, I’m single, I earn more than enough for myself (well that’s my opinion cause I know more people earn more money than me). But what’s the point in all the money when you might die anytime? I know I know, but what if I dont? and what if I need the money in the future?
I guess what the taxi driver said resonanted with me…then if you dont have enough you get a job and earn money. It’s that simple. Don’t need to complicate our lives and worry about things that we cant control. Perhaps what I just need to do is figure out how to help my family whilst constantly saving a bit for cases of emergency.
If I do surpass this stage (where I’m in limbo- cause I am still waiting for my appeal for my PEP to come in) I just live my life and enjoy — either by buying things or just spending time with my friends and constantly communicate with my family back home. Help my family out the best way I can and just see where it goes. I dont always have to have the answers in front of me every single time. Life is a process and perhaps I should just see where life takes me and see where I end up. Trust the process.
And with that I leave you with these quotes…
“Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters. Be patient and trust the process.” ― Peaceful Diaries
“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.” ― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass